Unleashing The Unspoken

ONE OF THOSE DAYS

2012-02-11T21:15:00.000+08:00

My friend is sick..her platelet count keeps on decreasing which is not so good so i'm a little worried for her.. hope she gets better soon, insya-Allah.

My mom's back from Indonesia. I'm glad now she's back at home with my dad and my brother. I think my parents work too hard. But i guess they know they have too. To support us all. They sure do a lot; my parents and family. A lot more than we actually realize. Thinking back, all of them had done a lot of sacrifices, big or small. Even up until now i'm sure. May Allah SWT reward them with a place in Jannah, insya-Allah.. amiin..

It's only the first week since the semester started and i feel a little overwhelmed. A bit scared too, actually. I'm afraid that i can't handle it. But i know Allah never tests His servants with something he cannot handle, right? So whatever that comes my way, insya-Allah i can handle it..right?? INSYA-ALLAH~~

My classes hasn't officially started yet. Not all that is. I think next week will officially begin all classes. So this weekend will be the last laid-back weekend before the chaos really happens. Give me strength ya Allah~

For the time being, i've been reading some books. English novels of course. Not many but compared to the number of books i've read so far, it's much more than i had read years back.. so it's an improvement. Alhamdulillah. Hope it continues too.

Oh and today, my friend helped me buy a squash racket! =) hehe.. Don't ask me how much it is cause it costed me A LOT!! I plan on learning to play squash this semester. Not to become a pro, though there's nothing wrong with that, but just as a hobby. I'm trying to find ways to get myself actively back to playing sports. I used to be a runner, USED TO ok.. that means i'm no longer a runner. I haven't tried running yet but i'm guessing i've already gotten a little bit heavier and less fit than the last time i ran. So squash can be a good start. A good way to relieve stress as well. All i need to do now is for me to clean my sport shoes and learn how to play squash and i'm all good. =) Insya-Allah things will turn out well. In life, we can plan but we must remember that everything lies in Allah SWT's hand. He decides everything.

worried

2012-02-07T17:16:00.001+08:00

I'm worried about my family. Maybe my dad worked a little too hard. He got into an accident while on his way to send my sister back to Gombak. He's ok and so is my sister but i think he is in a state of shock. I initially called to know whether my sister has gone to Gombak and i didn't expect for him to say he got into an accident. No one got hurt, physically that is, alhamdulillah. But from his voice i know he doesn't feel good at all. I thought if i hadn't called, i wouldn't have known. =(

Abah, it's ok. No one got hurt, that's what matters. Don't worry abah, it wasn't on purpose. Jangan fikir banyak sangat. I think abah penat kot. You've been busy with work and home and sending me to Kuantan. I feel bad that abah macam tak cukup rehat and i wasn't a big help. I'm sorry.

Ya Allah, please take care of my family. Please shelter them from any kejahatan di dunia ini dan juga di akhirat nanti, ya Allah. Sesungguhny Engkau yang Maha Berkuasa lagi Maha Mengetahui. Protect us all ya Allah. Janganlah Engkau biarkan kami hidup dalam kelalaian dan kegelapan. Kembalikanlah kami ke jalanMu yang lurus. Berikanlah kami kesedaran untuk kembali ke jalan yang benar sebelum terlambat. Engkaulah yang Maha Pengasih dan Maha Penyayang.

COUNT DOWN =)

2012-02-03T21:34:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow's Saturday and it marks the 2nd last day before i return to Kuantan. Love it or hate it, i still have to go back. My mom is going to Indonesia soon. She has work there. She hasn't gone yet but i miss her already. Hope she has a nice and safe flight to and fro, insya-Allah.

Anyway, since my holiday's almost over, i decided that i needed to get a few things settled first before i head back to Kuantan. My dad had asked me to do a few things earlier on but, haha.. as some might know about me, i procrastinated. Now, i guess i have to get it done by hook or by crook. Maybe not ALL the chores but at least most of it, right?

So here are a few things on my list that i plan to do before i leave.

1) clean the toilet

2) vacuum the rooms upstairs and downstairs

3) collect all my unused shoes ( to throw away or donate )

4) make spaghetti

5) clean up my room a little ( if possible )

6) wash my celimut 'mut2'

7) wash my telekung

8) collect my comforter and bedsheets , bedspread set from the laundry place ( dobi )

9) and of course, the most important thing is, pack all the things i need to bring.. can't leave for Kuantan empty handed..haha

I thought of what i've done these past 3 weeks, my accomplishments and stuffs and i'm happy to say that i didn't just lay on my back, just watching TV like a couch potatoe. Though that's not somethng TOTALLY bad but because i'm also the eldest, i have a lot of responsibilities on my shoulder. So i cannot NOT do anything useful while i'm at home. My family needs all the help they can get to manage our family and household chores. We're a tight-knit family so when i say family, i'm referring to ALL my family members..grandma, grandpa, aunties, uncles, cousins..not just the parents and siblings ok. =)

So here is what i've accomplished..

1) i learned how to drive my parents honda..

I used to have this fear of driving a large car that has a 'butt' or a behind but now i'm ok with it. Still need a lot of practice, especially with the brakes, but i'm doing ok. A BIG accomplishment. Soon, i'll be able to take over with the driving whenever we're on the highway and my parents get tired or something. Alhamdulillah.

2) i read 2 books this holiday.. great right?

Usually i don't read books during holidays, not because i don't have the time, but more of because i wasn't driven enough to read any books. I mean, we've been reading A LOT for our exams so why read more when it's suppose to be a break. ( This is wrong actually.. i shouldn't have this kind of mentality.. reading is a very good thing.. i should really start to read a whole lot more to improve my language and understanding.. )

Ummm...that's about it actually.. haha.. not many i know, but still... i did do something this holiday. Something different. So it's still an accomplishment. =) *happy2

Basically, i just stayed at home for the holidays. Didn't go out much. I have house chores that needs to get done and it's the only time i can help around at home. Make the best of the time you have right?

Allah SWT knows all things in heaven and earth

2012-01-30T20:43:00.000+08:00

I'm bloody nervous..

Just thinking about tomorrow makes my heart race..

I'm afraid of the unknown..

Ya Allah, permudahkanlah segala urusan kami..

Jadikanlah kami antara orang2 yg sentiasa mengingatiMu & sentiasa bersyukur...

Walau apapun ujian yg Engkau berikan kepada kami, berikanlah kami kekuatan untuk menghadapinya & jadikanlah kami meredhainya..

Berikanlah kami petunjuk ke jalanMu yg sebenar, jalanMu yg lurus..

Berikanlah kami kesedaran untuk kembali kepadaMu & bertaubat sebelum terlambat..

Engkau yg Maha Pengasih lagi Maha Penyayang..

Maha Pengampun & Penerima taubat..

Dekatkanlah hati kami ini kepadaMu..

Amiin..

2012-01-30T00:03:00.002+08:00

WHY CAN'T IT BE AN ALL GIRLS UNIVERSITY!

THAT WAY I DON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH BOYS

girls, not to be forgotten

2012-01-29T00:35:00.001+08:00

1- while he's asking for time, she takes the time for another guy

2- while he's solving the problem, she prefers to run away with another guy

3- while he's waiting her answer, she's answering another guy

4-while his arms are always wide open, she cries herself with another guy

5- while he loves her, she blinds herself for another guy

words of wisdom for the guys?

2012-01-28T22:09:00.000+08:00

1 - While you're ignoring her,
Another guy is giving her attention...

2 - While you're giving her problems, Another guy is listening...

3 - While you're too busy for her,
Another guy is making time for her...

4 - While you're making her cry,
Another guy is trying to make her smile...

5 - While you're not sure if u still want her, Another guy has already figured it
out..

House Deco = "Zen-style"

2012-01-28T15:43:00.001+08:00

I think I'll go with Zen-style decorating..

Less mess to clean up

*less is more right?? =P

*future husband, what do u think?

2012-01-24T14:16:00.002+08:00

2012-01-22T00:37:00.000+08:00

"I'M NOT PERFECT AND I'LL PROBABLY NEVER BE"

I think i've said this to myself a few times already. I guess i never really got it. Not sure if i'm gonna get it this time but insya-Allah i'll keep improving myself for the better. I have many faults and i somehow keep making them but i do wish to be better. I don't want to be living in sins, not just living but dying also. I don't want to die with piles and piles of sin. No3x. And nor do i want that for my family, my friends, the people i care about. No3x. Insya-Allah, Allah SWT will keep guiding us to the right path..insya-Allah. But i admit that everyday is a struggle. I'm fighting my own demons and sometimes i fail to be strong and win the fight. It's really not easy, for me that is. My heart sometimes takes over my rational and i'm not saying that i blame the heart but i wish i had more will power instead. Nafs is really something, you know. Not just the nafs but there's also the syaitan's whispering. Ya Allah~! Protect us from hell fire ya Allah. I need to be strong and fight these demons. Insya-Allah, Allah will keep guiding me. Show me what is right and what is wrong. Janganlah Kau biarkn aku menentukan nasibku sendiri, berilah petunjuk ya Allah. Not just to me, but to my family and the people i care about also.

FOR ME, FOR U, FOR ANYONE

2012-01-22T00:12:00.000+08:00

don't u ever wish

u were someone else

u were meant to be

the way u are exactly

don't u ever say

u don't like the way u are

when u learn to love yourself

you're better off by far

and i hope u always stay the same

cause there's nothing about u i would change

need you, still

2012-01-20T23:51:00.000+08:00

Please, don't give up. Just because things are not going the way you want and living becomes more difficult, please don't give up. I know it's not easy and you feel tired of everything but don't give up, please. Allah wouldn't put you in a situation you can't handle so please don't give up. Everything is a test from Allah, big or small, they are tests from Allah. I believe that He tests us a lot and sometimes we forget that He is testing us. Giving up would be like as if you've stopped fighting for what's right, for Allah SWT's pleasure, for Jannah. Don't give up. It's hard i know. But Allah is always by our side. Don't give up. Not until we've all reached Jannah. We have to always remember Allah, be patient and persevere.. It's difficult and hard and unbearable at times but don't give up please. Don't give up on yourself, don't give up on us, don't give up on fighting. I'm sure Allah has it all planned out. Every hardship He sent to us, if we can be strong and continue believing and depending on Allah, insya-Allah, there will be a reward for us. So, please don't give up.

would u be there for me?

2012-01-20T23:35:00.001+08:00

EVERYBODY HAS PROBLEMS AND MINE WOULD BE NO DIFFERENT, RIGHT?

MY FRIENDS

2012-01-18T16:13:00.000+08:00

*sorry i couldn't upload the video card/album.. somehow xleh nk upload kat blog..weird. but thanks u guys. really loved it! <3

A CONFESSION MAYBE??

2011-12-28T09:38:00.002+08:00

OK, here's my thoughts on a few things. I was showering when it suddenly hit me like a brick wall. OK maybe NOT a brick wall but it was definitely a small wake-up call. These past few weeks, i don't know, maybe past few months already, i've been liking this guy i don't really know very well. Truth be told, at first i liked his pants actually. I was attracted to his white pants. Hahaha.. I saw this guy, with white tracksuit pants from afar, and i was like..waaaahh i like~! Only after months past from the first time i saw 'the pants', did i managed to get to know the face behind the white pants. All that while, before i knew the face, i used to refer to him as 'abg seluar putih'. Hahaha...(aku yang psycho agaknya..) I've seen him every once in a blue moon but never really talked to him in person. Don't worry, he isn't some psycho-stranger-with-a-dark-secret type of guy..at least i hope not. He's a nice guy. I mean, really! I may not know him enough to say so, but from what i can see, he seems like a reliable guy. Several months ago, i gathered up the courage to message/inbox him on facebook. The thing about messages on FB is that once you 'inbox' that person, you can't delete it afterwards. So the person you sent the message to will definitely get the message and there's no turning back~!I went crazy thinking all the 'what ifs'; what if he didn't reply, what am i suppose to do then?? But i think, a day after, Alhamdulillah, he actually replied! hahaha..(gila ah farhana~!) You could only imagine the relief and the 'ecstatic'ness i felt. =D We exchanged a few messages before we 'departed' but it felt nice. Finally able to have the courage to walk up (sort of walk up, cyber style that is) and initiate conversation with the person i like. Don't know if it's a good thing on the side of religion but insya-Allah things happen for a reason. And it wasn't like i was flirting with him. I made an actual conversation about something meaningful. I didn't talk about myself nor did i ask about his personal biography! I wasn't pretending or being somebody i wasn't. I was being myself, only with a little bit more guts. Sure it was a lame strategy but it worked didn't it? I reached my goal of finally communicating with him. After that, we kept exchanging messages but with weeks that'll reach months apart. Seriously! We don't inbox each other as often. Probably once per semester? Weird but i like it. I hated when the conversation ended but underneath it all, Allah knows best! It's better that way. OK that was the brief history.

Now back to the present time. I realized something after reading 'WAYS TO AVOID MARRYING THE WRONG PERSON' article and also after my shower (my usual deep thinking time). And what hit me was that, sure i like this guy, really like this guy, but i don't know him very well. And he doesn't know me either. I bet he might not even feel the same way that i do about him. Reading the article had me thinking how are things going to go from here to marriage when we aren't even REAL friends. I mean, we're friends, of course, but not the kind of friendship you have with your classmates or schoolmates. I don't know him enough to know if he's compatible with me and what's worse (or maybe not so worse la) is that we haven't met each other face to face and actually TALKED! Heck, maybe he already likes somebody else! How would i know right? Coz i'm not even his classmate. We are both taking different courses. I know NOTHING important about him, only the superficial things. Although i'm sure he's a nice, good guy.
1st proof: on our first inbox conversation, one of the last few words he said was, " jangan tinggalkan solat ya" (or something like that, i don't really remember the exact words..) 2nd proof: most of the posts he writes on FB are very meaningful. He writes down narrations of hadiths or words of wisdom. Baikkan?? =) 3rd proof: he doesn't talk much about himself and he doesn't ask me about my personal life either. He replies with short and direct words. (could mean he has no interest or maybe a boring person or maybe he's just a phlegmatic guy?? i have no clue!) Surely i know, NO ONE is PERFECT! He must have flaws too, but by far, he is close to the ideal type of guy any girl would want. Who, in their right mind, would want to let go of a guy like that, right?!? Nevertheless, based on the article, i couldn't really answer most of the Q asked. So that made me think maybe i'm dreaming a little too much. That i should probably start to wake up from this fantasy or dream. He's too far out of reach. I may have taken the first step but there are more bigger steps ahead. I'm a girl and these BIG steps ahead, in relationships, are supposed to be carried out by the guy. Betul tak? So i've made the decision to really let him go. Let my feelings for him go. I know i used to say this a lot to myself but this time, i really mean it. I pray to Allah that if he is the one, He will give me guidance and show me. But if he isn't the one for me, then Allah knows what is best! I must REDHA.

I've also thought of my goals and principles or moral values,while thinking of all this.
My first goal is to reach Jannah and have my family and the people i love, there too. Life in this world is only temporary and even so, when i'm away from my family, i miss them so much. So imagine that to happen in the permanent, real world, that is in the Hereafter! huhuhu... i can't~! I don't want to be away from them. So insya-Allah, Allah will hear my prayers to have us all meet again in JANNAH. (my ultimate goal!) Insya-Allah..amiin..

Next, i DON'T want to date! My principle is that, if a person likes me enough to want to date me, be a couple together, then why not marry me too? Marriage is better then being only a couple where there is no legal bond between each other. We can date, only after we're married. We can do things just like any other couples out there, who date, watch movies together, take out to lunch and dinner...but only after we're married. Don't want to do all that if we're not legally bonded because it's HARAM.. kan3x?? =) To reach my first goal, kena ah kurangkan membuat dosa2 nie..
Just a suggestion, =P 'nikah gantung' maybe? hahahaha... (tunggu la ek, muda lagi sebenarnya..I'm only 21)

There's more to tell but time is short lah. Maybe i'll update more later. Gotta study for finals right now.. hahaha.. I actually stole some studying time to write so now i have to get back to what i should REALLY be doing..

For the moment, to be continued.............................

2011-11-21T19:17:00.001+08:00

I've decided that i want to be myself. I don't think i have really, truly been myself yet. But i don't really know who i am at the moment. I'm still figuring that out along as i go. Maybe it'll be a bit difficult for people to understand but what i want is just to be myself. Not trying too much to be what people want me to be or do something just because that's what people expect me to do. I want to be myself, and do things because i, myself know that is the right thing to do. Do things because i feel like doing it, not because someone pressured me into doing it. And if along the way i make mistakes then, so beat it. I don't mean any harm to anybody but i'm not perfect. I'm bound to make mistakes, intentionally or not. Mistakes are normal. And i'm suppose to learn from them. I could easily learn from the mistakes of others, but i think in most cases, it's best if i make my own. You won't know the stove is really hot unless you accidentally touched it yourself. I'll ask that Allah SWT keep me in the right path as i go on this journey of figuring out who i am. I don't want to be somebody i'm not and be unhappy. I want to find out my likes and dislikes, what makes me feel good and what doesn't and everything else. So please understand~

how do u get out of an all time low?

2011-11-21T17:59:00.000+08:00

"if love was a physical pain, i can take it, i can take it. but you're hurting me from inside of my heart, i can't take it, i can't take it. i'm gonna lose my mind..." (lose my mind-The Wanted)

Brings Back Memories~

2011-10-25T22:31:00.000+08:00

Huhu.. seems i haven't been writing in a while. So here's the short news update...haha.. i am now a 2nd year student of biomedical science, still studying the same course, even though i've been moving back and forth about changing programmes... Anyway, i just got back from home today. I had a great weekend at home. Got to spend time with my beloved family. Man, how i miss them already! Took a plane from KLIA to here.. the airport is soooo cool~! I love flying.. i REALLY REALLY REALLY LOVE flying, by plane i mean.. not wings, since i don't have one installed in me.. hahaha.. I've always loved flying and going around in a plane. Travelling by air just seems so much fun for me. I particularly enjoy the part when the plane is picking up speed to fly up.. Oh man, i LOVE that! And of course, seeing everything from above, SUBHANALLAH.....! The wonders of Allah SWT's creation. However, i didn't get to fly long.. it was a really short flight. But i enjoyed it nonetheless. I used to dream of becoming a pilot, or even a stewardess..(still do actually..haha..) but instead i took a different path. My height wouldn't even get me qualified the first round elimination/acceptance.. My mom tells me i'm too short to be a pilot (since i won't be able to reach the 'hard- to-reach' buttons..) and i'm not tall enough to be a stewardess either (won't be able to help people put their luggage at the top storage).. so i sort of gave up on that dream.. well more of giving up on trying to achieve that dream.. not really on dreaming that i could be one.. haha.. i still think about airplanes and flying and the sky view every time i see an airplane flying by or whenever i pass the airport... I think my love for planes began when my parents studied abroad.. we were 'almost' constantly flying back and forth from the UK to Malaysia whenever we could.. so i've had many plane rides when i was small.. now that i'm older, i don't really have many opportunities to fly here and there on a plane.. (we're not filthy rich u know..hahaha..) today was the first after so many years.. haha.. totally LOVED it.. wish the ride could have been a little but longer.. My aunt accompanied me here and i'm so glad she came along.. i love my aunt~! she's just awesome.. I love my parents too for letting me get on a plane.. they paid of course.. oohh how i LOVE my family!! <3 <3 <3 They're just soooo awesome.. =) Thanks mak abah ibu ummi maktok babatok acu abang adik boy muhammad adik auntie ayu..and semua sekali ah.. da auntie ina sya... =) Thanks Allah for giving me this opportunity.. ALHAMDULILLAH!

2011-06-08T13:28:00.001+08:00

Fear is the obstacle that has stopped me from living and learning

Even animals show their love and affection.. what about us?

2011-04-28T22:21:00.001+08:00

2011-04-28T22:15:00.000+08:00

THINGS AREN'T PICTURE PERFECT EVEN IF I WANTED IT TO BE!!

2011-04-28T00:33:00.003+08:00

Like peeling an onion..

2011-04-18T00:06:00.000+08:00

Aaaahh.. please do not be mistaken... I can be very poetic~~ Don't be confused by the superficial surface....

when there's no TV, there's always the INTERNET

2011-04-17T15:16:00.004+08:00

My first time blogging using my phone. I'm learning how to utilize apps on my phone. That way it wouldn't have been a waste of money.

Here's something that has been on my mind since a few days ago. I'm not sure if following, what I think is my ego, is the right thing to do. Should I break down the walls and continue where we left off or leave my walls high up and pretend it never began in the first place? The rollercoster feelings and emotions i'm experiencing, i'm not sure if it's my heart or the devils whisper. I feel funny inside. Maybe it's just because i'm bored. Another thing that bothers me is right after one comes along another. It feels like a repetition of events. The same thing is starting to happen all over again. If I don't control it, soon history will repeat itself. And the same thing will unfold. When there wasn't anyone around, you feel like you need company. When there's someone around, you distance yourself. Typical loner-type I guess. Can't bear to be alone all the time but have a hard time keeping people by your side. Life throws the weirdest and most interesting things at you sometimes, doesn't it?

2011-04-16T21:37:00.000+08:00

Mistakes, no matter how big or small it is, happen so you may learn from them. In turn, it makes you a better person. Don't let ego stand in your way. Learn to let the past go and forgive them.

WHERE'S THE HEART?

2011-04-16T21:28:00.000+08:00

HOME~!
Simple as that. Home is where the heart is right? I'm finally home. Back in the safe arms of my family. Back in my comfort zone. Though i'm happy to be home, i'm actually missing my friends already. Another thing i miss is my bed, at my now 'EX'- room, M8 3.7... huhuhu.. wanna know why?? wakaka.. it's coz i don't have a room at home.. hahaha.. sad isn't it? Naaahhh i'm not sad actually. I have a room. I mean, i HAD a room, once...but my room has been turned into the laundry room ever since i transfered to a boarding school about 5 years ago... seriously~ So now technically, i've lost my room to the stacks of clean laundry.. hahaha
Since then i've been sleeping in my sister's room (when she's not home that is..) or if not there, i'd be sleeping in front of the TV with our trusted and handy sleeping mattress for all occasions.. kekeke~~
Apart from my friends in Kuantan, i kinda miss my bed also.. haha.. But no worries, i enjoy the so-called 'camping' lifestyle whenever i get home.. =) beats the actual camping life in the woods with mosquitoes and insects.. at least i get the TV.. =P

So what's my plan for the holidays??? I have quite a lot planned but only God knows whether i'd try to make my plans happen though....kweng kweng kweng~~ But here's a few that's on my list anyway.. (hope at least some of my plans get through *hopeful)

volunteer at the zoo (would be an awesome experience right? i mean, how many people could say they fed animals and cleaned their poo?? =P)
find a part-time job that works with children (coz i LOVE babies and small children.. there are no babies at home.. huhu)
get my motor license?? ( not too sure about this one since i already have a car license..this was just a thought)
drive the car around (my mom won't let me drive the car to kuantan unless i become an expert AND a trusted AND a safe driver around my home area first~!)
exercise?? (have to jog or something. Coz if not, during the 5 months holiday i'll be as BIG as Po in Kungfu Panda)
Kumon english teacher (still thinking about this one. It's nice to teach young children how to read in english and stuff like that but it can be totally boring sometimes)
learn to cook (preparation for married life?? hahahaha)
French class lessons.. (my dad has already given me and my sister's name for the class so hopefully this can get marked off the list)

Well there's more to the list but i don't think i should reveal EVERYTHING since i'm not even sure myself if half is going to be done... hahaha.. Apart from the basic stuff that i already do whenever i'm home, like do the laundry, wash the dishes, etc etc etc i guess i should find something more to do just so that i won't get bored to death.

I'd like to take chances...

"LIVE LEARN LOVE"

...my new motto.. Hope it works out~~ =)

And to you... (you know who you are...hahaha) I wish you all the best in life~!! I'd like to pray only for the best for you...(whenever i remember to that is, coz even i myself, sometimes forget to do du'a for myeslf.... *aduh jujur gle)

LIES

2011-04-09T14:55:00.000+08:00

Messed up. That's whats going on. When things just don't go the way you want it to, it just SUCKS~!
Why my path isn't as straight as everybody else's? Why it's always like this? When will things be different? It's difficult for me. The questions that are always on my mind when things don't work out. My head hurts and so does my heart. I can't get pass the questions in my head no matter how many times the same thing happens over and over again. I hate to disappoint my family. And i hate disappointing myself. I want to be one of those smart and intelligent people. They say, if you tell it to yourself time and time again that you're no good, that you're not smart, then the body starts believing it. It may be true but if you were never born smart or never the smart one, how can you make yourself believe that you are smart?? No matter how many smart friends you have that surrounds you, how can you feel like you're one of them when you see their marks higher than yours and their grades nearing 3.5CGPA when yours is just nearing 3.0? It wasn't even easy to get that 3.0. And now i don't think i'm even able to maintain it this semester. This semester has really been hard. I know that it's normal for any university student, i get that. I know i shouldn't be complaining or making other things as an excuse when the real problem lies in me. I'm the problematic one. I realize that. So i can't say that it's my class schedules or the work load because i know the problem is with me. I'm not getting it. So now, i'm confused. I feel like giving up so many times and every time i fall it becomes more harder and painful. I feel like i'm hanging on to a thin thread. Should i give up because i really hate failing. Although failing isn't something new to me, i really don't want to go through it again. I want to feel that victory and satisfaction when you get A's in almost every paper. I want to have that. I hate being the less than average or just average grade student. I really don't want to repeat any subjects. Especially the subjects that are difficult for me. Everything's so complicated. It's so MESSED UP~!

Ya Allah, berilah kekuatan kepada hambaMu ini dalam menghadapi perjuangannya and berilah petunjuk ke jalan yang benar, Ya Allah, Ya Tuhanku sesungguhnya Engkau Maha Kuasa lagi Maha Mengetahui....amin

Are your intentions all right?

2011-04-08T15:00:00.001+08:00

If you came to me with the right intentions, honest and true to it, I would accept you with an open heart

For YOU

2011-04-07T23:56:00.001+08:00

I'd like to say thanks to YOU, (yes you know who you are, if you happen to come across my blog that is..) for breaking my heart~!
Thank you for making things so complicated for me even if you had no intention to do so. Thank you for making me confused and disoriented about the things you said. Thank you for making me miss what i know was only the devils play. Thank you for making me realize that everything was just some fantasy in my head.
I keep sighing a lot lately. Having too much troubles that i have to keep to myself just so that other's wouldn't have to see what i really feel inside.
If this is a test from Allah s.w.t then I'll face it knowing that Allah s.w.t knows what's best for me and that He is always there for me even when no one else cares. I miss my youth... not to say that i'm TOO old.. but it's just that growing up means more responsibility and more 'slaps' on the face, and scars on the heart... It's just too complicated and messy - growing up... can't turn back time but only move forward~

MISTAKES, DECISIONS, LIFE

2011-04-07T16:39:00.001+08:00

I wanted to 'follow' my sister on her blog, ended up 'follow'-ing myself instead. Aigoo.. me and the internet 'n' technology thing are so not compatible with each other..

I haven't been writing in a while so my writing skills are a bit rusty. But that's ok. I've just deactivated my facebook so now i plan to channel my thoughts more on blogging than 'facebook'-ing. I can write more here than i do on facebook, since by nature, once i have something to talk about, i just can't stop talking...(not literally i mean) =P

So back to what i wanted to spill. Right now, i'm actually at the musolla. Suppose to be studying. Well i am actually, but i just needed a little break so i thought, "hey, why not blog about it..??"
I'm having a small problem here to be honest. I'm totally bummed with my performance yesterday on my MOLECULAR BIOLOGY test. And yes, i caps locked and bolded it! For reasons that are too long to be mentioned at the moment. =( I'm bummed, disappointed, heart-broken, what other words are there to describe my feelings??? I'm at a total lost right now. I can't think without having that small and tiny voice inside me, reminding me of what happened. My next paper is BIOCHEMISTRY. Yupp, i caps locked and bolded that one too~! I'm terrified (ok terrified maybe a little bit exaggerating but the feeling is something along that line..) of the next paper. Because, for those who don't know, MOLEC and BIOCHEM are somewhat similar to each other. Plus, i have the same lecturer teaching BOTH subject~!! HELP~!!
To add to that, I'm having some 'complicated' troubles. This is frustrating. I think i really suck at handling friendship with guys. Though i think guy friends are so much better than girl friends in some aspects of life. (a very deep sigh)
Oh my.. problems problems and more problems.. life throws you so many challenges that sometimes, you just don't know what to do.. but one thing good, i'll say, that'll come out from it... life challenges are DEFINITELY a learning experience~

the moment you thought they cared....

2011-04-07T15:17:00.000+08:00

.....you find out they actually DON'T

XML...???

2010-10-18T17:35:00.000+08:00

Molecular Mechanics	Semi Empirical	Ab Initio
Very Fast Speed	Fast Speed	Slow Speed
Parameter Restriction	Good Accuracy	Very Good Accuracy

Very Fast

Parameter Restriction

Fast Speed

Good Accuracy

Slow Speed

Very Good Accuracy

XML MANUAL AND INTRODUCTION LINK:

http://www.w3schools.com/default.asp

PDB (protein data bank)

2010-10-18T00:33:00.002+08:00

Protein Data Bank weblink:

http://www.wwpdb.org/faq.html

What is a Protein Data Bank(PDB)?	A repository for the 3-D structural data of large biological molecules, such as proteins and nucleic acids.
Mission of Worldwide PDB	To maintain a single Protein Data Bank Archive of macromolecular structural data that is freely and publicly available to the gobal community.

SMILES (computer)

2010-10-11T16:40:00.002+08:00

CLICK HERE TO KNOW MORE~~

http://www.daylight.com/dayhtml/doc/theory/theory.smiles.html

S	Simplified
M	Molecular
I	Input
L	Line
E	Entry
S	Specification

EXCEL ( more mess~~)

2010-10-11T14:33:00.003+08:00

A link to Microsoft office webpage.....

http://office.microsoft.com/en-us/excel/

USED FOR...	FEATURES
Microsoft Windows and Mac OS X	Calculation, graphing tools, pivot tables, and VBA

.......Chemsketch....... ( a mess~~)

2010-10-11T14:03:00.004+08:00

To download chemsketch, click here:
http://www.brothersoft.com/acd-chemsketch-133131.html

What is CHEMSKETCH??
Function		to draw chemical structures, and to view them as three dimensional (3D) models

MAPLE

2010-09-20T14:55:00.003+08:00

Open link to maplesoft web page :

http://www.maplesoft.com/

Maple™ is the essential technical computing software for today’s engineers, mathematicians, and scientists. Whether you need to do quick calculations, develop design sheets, teach fundamental concepts, or produce sophisticated high-fidelity simulation models, Maple’s world-leading computation engine offers the breadth, depth, and performance to handle every type of mathematics.

Professional User	Academic User	Student User
Is the essential technical computing software for today's technical professionals. Whether you need to do quick calculations, develop design sheets, or produce sophisticated high-fidelity simulation models, Maple provides the necessary technology to reduce errors and dramatically increase your analytical productivity.	An essential tool for researchers, teachers, and students in any mathematical or technical discipline. It lets you explore, visualize, and solve even the most complex mathematical problems, reducing errors and providing greater insight into the math. Teachers can bring complex problems to life, students can focus on concepts rather than the mechanics of solutions, and researchers can develop more-sophisticated algorithms or models.	Maple provides an innovative, enriching experience for students that allows them to become instantly productive and engaged in learning, without extra tutorials or instruction. This brief demonstration highlights several aspects of Maple designed especially for students.

MIZ- understanding

2010-06-30T01:01:00.000+08:00

Misunderstood, misinterpret, miscommunication....
These are words that can cause a lot of damage sometimes. Frankly, if ever caught in that situation, it's best to clear it up right away. If not, sometimes the damage can't be undone. The pain that have been caused become scars and sometimes it remains as scars; never fully healed.

I, unfortunately, have found myself caught in this situation. It involves the people i love and it hurts me to know that i may have been the one that caused the problem in the first place. I was just trying to talk to her about how i felt and although i knew how to console myself, i just wanted to hear the words form someone else's mouth. I just wanted to get the encouragement from someone else. I've always believed that whenever i have a problem, i shouldn't tell anybody about it if it wasn't important and if i haven't tried to solve it myself. I wouldn't be pouring my heart out about a certain matter unless i really had too. Unless i couldn't keep it to myself anymore. But to be honest, every once in a while, it's nice to hear those calming and encouraging words from someone else. For me, i have always thought that problems wouldn't get solved if you only went running to someone else to talk about it. The problem would still be there. Sure you feel a whole lot better telling someone about it but the fact is, the matter is not solved. That's why i rarely tell anyone what my thoughts are and how i feel about something. Even if i did, my family would be the first people i run to for help and advice. So now, what i had done is caused a problem amongst my family. All i wanted was to tell somebody about a particular matter that has bothered me since i found out the news. I didn't mean to cause any riffle or arguments. Clash of personalities might have contributed to the problem but the main core is misundertanding. I think she misundestood my 'pouring out what i feel' moment into some sort of complaint. She thought i wasn't happy nor satisfied about the matter and my guess is she didn't really or fully understand my state and situation. I wasn't trying to make a big deal of it but i guess she took it the wrong way. She gave me a lot of advice and encouraging words, don't get me wrong. It did help me a bit but then when she started to go off course with the matter and giving me these talks about something that wasn't what i had intended to talk about, i felt uneasy. Things started to elaborate further into a whole different matter. Another person came and gave advice and opinions but it turned ugly. Maybe not TOO ugly but it wasn't good. It definitely caused a riffle.

(miannae, i'm getting a bit too tired to write more. I'll continue the issue after i've found out how it ends..)

Does it get any worse or do we forgive, forget, and move on??

lost focus~

2010-06-09T00:07:00.000+08:00

Learning another languange is no walk in the park. It's not even a piece of cake. Hahaha..~~
Even until now, i still can't figure out english grammar and don't even mention about bahasa melayu and its 'tatabahasa' and such. Apparently, you can't learn another language without learning its grammar too... Aaahh i feel like things are going to go all over the place. How can i master another language when i'm also clueless with my own 1st and 2nd language?? Well, maybe not totally clueless since i still know how to speak in both languages. My english might not be as great, fluent or precise as the time i lived abroad but it's not bad, at least i think it's not.. =P

Guess what i'm doing now?? I kind of drifted to something else and not totally concentrating on this blog right now..
hehe~ I'm learning KOREAN!!! Hanguk~~
Ahh it's doesn't matter la if i'm terrible in languages. I just want to learn something.. nevermind the mistakes~~
hehe~~

I'm DEFINITELY over it? Or am i not?

2010-05-27T01:11:00.001+08:00

You know that time when you first start to like someone, you get SOOO obsessed with that person, you want to know almost everything you can about them. I don't know about other people but i was definitely like that.

Of course i had liked other people before him but with him, i really really liked him. I'm not sure if there's much of a difference then but now when i look back, i really did like that guy even if i looked more of a stalker than an admirer. Haha~

Anyway, i had liked the guy for quite some time; a long time ago that is. From form 3 up until i was in form 4. I still liked him in form 5 but i couldn't keep hold of that feeling since he had a girlfriend already by that time. Sadly~~ I didn't tell him i liked him so he wouldn't have known. Unless he could tell and figure it out himself from all my 'stalking' and 'obsession'... (hmm i wonder..) hahaha~
I'm not the kind of person who would go about and tell the person i like that i liked them. Too shy to even give signals or signs. Subtle signs, i mean.. Not 'stalker' signals. =P
And i'm not the kind of person to like someone else's beau either. I just couldn't keep liking someone who already has the heart for someone else. If that ever happens, i would tell my heart to stop and look for someone else. Sad situation. Infortunate for me since it's always like that. The person i like would never even glance my way. It'll only be a one-sided so-called love kind of situation.

Back to the main point of what i wanted to say... haha~ Ok well i started to read his blogs and i haven't done that for, i don't know how long...but it has definitely been months since the last time. Anyway, i went to his blog and i'll be quite honest, i always get this twisting and turning feeling in my stomach everytime i open up his blog. I look at what he has become and i kind of feel proud and happy that he has gotten this far.
I haven't had any feelings for him since, sometime during my matriculation days, i think. Around the time i stopped reading his blog and checking out his progress. So it was quite sometime ago. When i came back to read his blog recently, it kind of brought back those feelings i had for him. Funny isn't it? It's like i never really got over him yet.
That feeling made me think about some things. As some might know, my mind has this weird way of always thinking and wondering about almost everything at any time. It doesn't stop, unless i'm asleep. My brain will wander around and i start to think about this and that. Hahaha~ ( i know, i think TOO much, mostly of unnecessary stuffs).

Back to the topic, well, i started to wonder if this happens to everybody. The first time you really 'liked liked' somebody and though there wasn't progress to it, you never got over him even after for so long. Does that happen to everybody? I know they say you never get over or forget your first love but i think in my situation here, LOVE is a strong word to use. I was only, what, 15 or 16 years old at that time. Will i always be like this? I mean, i know nothing will come out from the feelings i have for this guy since i'm not confessing. Heck, he might not even remember me. He might not have known i existed all at for all i know. But would i always be like this in the future? Will i still have these feelings for him even when i finally meet somebody? Does what i'm saying make any sense? I feel like i'm babbling. This feels weird. Haha~
=P

Listen to these

2010-05-23T23:09:00.000+08:00

Gil Hak Mi - "Supersoul"

(the meaning of the song ROCKS!!)

Seo In Gook - "Love you"

(sweet sweet sweet song..)

BEAST - "Take care of my girlfriend"

(sad but sweet...)

Heartfelt

2010-05-23T23:00:00.000+08:00

And then there were 2...
My sister has finally entered college earlier this morning. So now there's only me and my lil'bro.
Huhuhu~~
It feels kinda lonely at home now. In the morning, when everybody else is off to work, there's usually me and my sister left at home. Now i'm gonna be all alone.
I wake up in the morning and i'll find myself alone. Huhuhu~~ How sad is that??
Who's gonna make me my breakfast now?? Haha~

I'm glad she can finally know what college life is like but i'm still a bit worried.
I might not have given her enough info and facts about boarding life and what to expect.
She's never been in a boarding school before so she doesn't exactly know what to expect living with total strangers.
But she's quite independant in her own way, very smart too, so i guess she'll manage...insya-Allah..
(sigh) I still miss my sister though..

Since my sister started to get ready for her enrollment this past few weeks, i've been thinking a lot. Thinking about my own enrollment to kuantan.
I get scared thinking about it.

"Will i cope with what's ahead? Can i be away from home for, who knows how long? Whose gonna play and get angry and tease my brother? What about my dear cousins, aunties, uncles, and grandparents i'm leaving behind? Whose gonna help look out for all of them? etc etc....."

So many things go through my mind. I'd have to leave before my lil'bro's birthday (..sad...) and what about everybody else's birthday? Waaahhhh.. i know, i sound like a brat and all but i can't help it.

I spend WAAAYYY too much time being around my family. I rarely even go out of the house.

How can i NOT feel this way??

I hate having to be away from my family. I won't be able to see my cousins and siblings grow up. I won't be able to help my parents from getting TOO stressed out.

It's not that i do a lot at home but i do what i can. Sometimes, occasionally, i get too lazy to do anything but i know there are things i can do to avoid my family from getting all worked up and stressed out.

(sigh) So much to think about. Anyhow, i still have to go to college. I can't possibly take care of everybody, i guess.

I'm totally family-oriented..haha~ I have to admit.

I just don't want to miss out the time i have with my family. Even if it's just watching TV together. Things aren't always high up, joyful, and happy around the house but hey, what normal family wouldn't be selfish and fight and have tantrums?? =P

These are the people i live with and see almost EVERYDAY of my life... It's not big but it's mine...and i'm happy~

I hope i'll figure things out soon.

That way, i'll be able to feel at peace before i go to kuantan.

I really don't want any distractions there.

I want to be totally focused and do well.

=) hahaha~~ (as if that's gonna happen...!!! =P)

Note to my sister:

I love you adik!!!

Take care and i hope you do well~~

Give it to my Y!!!!

2010-05-17T14:41:00.003+08:00

Can't wait for MBLAQ's comeback~~

Waaaahhhh so excited...
their comeback teaser is awesome.
I like~~~

=P

mworago?

2010-05-16T09:31:00.001+08:00

Being sick shouldn't be a reason!

Or am i wrong?

The language of FLOWERS

2010-05-15T12:00:00.002+08:00

Bellflower - Thinking of you
Dahlia - Elegance and dignity
Daisy - Innocence, loyal love, purity
Red Chrysanthemum - I love
Yellow rose - Friendship, apology or dying love

I was reading the language of flowers. It seems all flowers hold a hidden meaning behind them. I didn't think there were THAT many at first. I'd have to be careful from now on as to who should receive what flowers.

=P

Buried

2010-05-15T11:44:00.002+08:00

The little kitten has been buried.

P.S
I'm not feeling too well lately..
My immune system is breaking down.
It has been happening quite a few times already.
I wonder why?

Please look after your cats and kittens... all your pets in fact.

2010-05-13T20:21:00.003+08:00

I'm totally shocked!
I just saw a kitten being run over by a blue car!!!!
I even heard it's bone snap.
I'm so stunned and shocked. Seriously.
I didn't know what to do.
I shouted for my dad to come over and take a look at it.
I didn't have the guts to see the kitten.
I was too shocked and scared.
I'm so sad.
It's like i can feel it's pain. Seriously!
huhuhuhu~~~
This is terrible. I'm totally speechless.

I saw the three kittens playing with each other outside on the road while i was coming out to help my dad take things out from the car.
Initially i wanted to help my dad but after i saw those cute kittens, i couldn't help myself.
I came up to them slowly since i didn't want them to run away from me.

One was white with a black patch on top of its head, the other one was white with big orange patches all over, and the last one was so small and bony. It was black with only a little white here and there.

I played with the black one and i felt bad for it because it was so skiny.
I didn't know whose kittens they were but i pretty much had a clue to whom they might belong to.

It was the black one that got run over. And the instant it happened, my jaw dropped and my mouth was wide open. I was extremely shocked. I just played with it few minutes ago and later it got hit??!? If i had known, i would've held on to it much longer.

My dad wasn't all too happy. He got mad at whoever those kittens belong to.
Whoever it was, they should have kept them safely. It's night time and barely little light shining on the road. I feel so bad about the kitten.
My dad said it had already died after a few munites it got hit. The kitten was jumping all over the place after it got hit and i didn't know what to do. I wanted my dad to take it straight to the vet or anywhere but he said it's nearly dying. I couldn't even have the heart to come over and look at the poor thing. I stayed a distance. My dad said it was bleeding a lot. Oh my god i feel so sad for the kitten. My dad said the kitten died almost instantly. Allah must not have wanted it to suffer.

May the kitten be at peace.

=(
huhuhuhuu~~~~

tweet tweet tweet!!!!!

2010-05-13T14:31:00.003+08:00

I've been contemplating on this for too long already....
Hehehe~~
I finally surrendered and created a twitter account for myself..
Wahaha....I'm feeling a tingly sensation in my fingers...
=P

Now the next step is to figure out how to use it...
Hehe~
Can't wait to explore!!!

Should i go to work today?? Hhmmmm........ (still thinking)

1st day, 1st time

2010-03-30T12:02:00.016+08:00

First day of work. Well, i started work on Monday last week but that doesn't matter.
My first day at work was not so good. It wasn't a total disaster but it definitely wasn't what i expected.

I work at a kumon center near my neighbourhood. I didn't want to work at some fast food restaurant nor did i want to work at places like 7E. So, the only other place i could think of was at a kumon center. My sister worked there also but only for a short while. I wanted to work with children. Being around children is much more fun than being around older, more experienced people. Children are more relaxed and carefree, although they may be quite a handful sometimes. As to being around more matured people, you don't get to play around and act childish with them. Everything becomes so serious and you get easily tired from all the seriousness you have to face. I hate having to be mature and grow up. But i guess that's just something i can't run away from. All the responsibilities you have on your shoulders and challenges that are ahead, it's part and parcel of life. Nothing you can do about it, so might as well make the best of it, right?

Anyway.....that wasn't what i wanted to talk about. My 'commercial break', if you know what i mean. =P

Now back to the main story....

Well, my first day of work wasn't what i thought it would be like. It was awkward and quite lonely. The people i work with are mostly in their mid-twenties. Either doing their Masters or working part-time here and there. Not all of them are friendly and outgoing. Some don't even talk to me, not even a 'Hi'. Others just mind their own business. There are a couple of people who help me around, especially knowing that i'm new. But anyway, after some time, it got pretty lonely for me. There weren't many children at that time and i still don't understand how everything's done. I'm quite a 'slow' person, as what some might say about me, so it got pretty hard for me to absorb all the process and procedures that goes along with teaching the children. You don't just simply teach them like you teach your brothers and sisters at home. That's not all you have to know. There's the recording of their progress, the right handouts to give, marking as fast as you can, and some others. On top of all that, you have to be teaching them correctly. Some children aren't as fast to get it right like others. Some are shy and some are quite a handful.
Teaching them isn't the problem but everything that goes with it that got me a bit frustrated. I made quite a lot of mistakes on the first day and that really made me stressed out. I didn't record their progress properly and there are some info (quite important) that i forgot to write in their report book.
I have an acute 'perfectionist' syndrome. And when i get things done wrongly or not perfect, sometimes it frustrates me. Making me feel like i did so terribly. And that wasn't all. I kinda made a kid cry. I know, OMG!!!! Well it wasn't on purpose. And it wasn't all my fault either. I was listening to this kid who has a problem pronouncing the letter 'R' and he was kinda shy reading in front of me so i wasn't able to hear clearly what he read. So, when he had to read ' The lion roars.', he read it so softly that i couldn't hear. I asked him to read it again loudly with a kind smile on my face (chewah!!! =P)
But seriously, i know i didn't look as though i would eat him. I really did smile a lot. Trying to help him. But when i asked him then, a couple of the other teachers there, beside me, started to laugh. Not sure if they laughed at how i handled it or if they laughed at the kid. And that was when he started to cry. OMG!!! my body just went stiff at that moment. I've never (i think la..) made someone's child cry. Especially someone whom i don't know. Huhuhu... that just made everything worse. Nothing went well after that. I made even more mistakes and i started to feel so left out. You know, like an outsider. (sigh) My worse first day ever. My first day of work, the first time i ever worked outside of my comfort zone, was not how i pictured it. (sigh) Later that night, when i got home, most of my family already went to sleep. I couldn't even tell them how it went. My parents were worn out from work. I guess i could understand.

The next morning i got to tell them. They say, it's normal for first timers to not do so well. But that didn't really make me feel any better. I wanted to do well. But it didn't work out. I wanted to quit but another part of me said i should stay. What doesn't kill you make you stronger, right? So i took it as a challenge that i had to face and continued working there. Plus, how would it make me look if i quit on the first day of work?? Not so good i pressume. =P

~DON'T QUIT BEFORE YOU EVEN TRY~

crank it up!!!

2010-03-17T00:31:00.003+08:00

Crap!!!! I totally have nothing interesting to say.
I have a blog and yet i write nothing in it. I suck!!
=P

Anyway, alhamdulillah, i managed to pass my final exam. So, that means that i've finally graduated from CFS!! It was a relief to know that i'm able to have quite a LOOOONNG holiday. Alhamdulillah~~

I planned so much this holiday but the truth of the matter is that none of it is done.. Hahaha..
I live too much in my own dreams then actually making it happen. Things seem easier, which is actually true, if you were to live in your own dreams. Things go just the way you want it too.
But then, you hit rock bottom and realize that in reality, things don't really go your way.
(sigh) Well, what to do?? That's life.

Plans for the holiday:

Exercise and get rid of most of my fat ( i really want to be slim and fit~~ huhuhu)
Learn to swim in an indoor swimming pool without many people around ( i really hate it when people spit and spat in the water "EEWWWW!!!!" and i wouldn't want to get a sunburn either.. hehehe)
Learn a foreign languange (particularly korean 'hanguk')
Get myself a job ( i don't care about the pay, i just want to have the experience)
Volunteer at the zoo (doesn't that sound fun?? =P )
Get a boyfriend? (HAHAHAHA~~~~)

What is really going on now:

Watching TV (OMG! Can you believe that i even have scheduled 'MUST-WATCH' tv programmes on week days..?? Weekends are a different story..)
Eat ( i eat A LOT. The frigde and the kitchen keep calling out my name, making me look around for food) There goes my goal to be thin~ Plus, i haven't even finished repaying my fasting debts yet. Tsk tsk shame on me!!
Sleep ( oh boy do i LOVE to sleep...!!)
Online ( allkpop is a MUST-READ everytime i online )
Playing around with my family members... (the best part of being on holiday)

Boy boy boy..... i got to go... Mianneyo
I guess that'll be all... Got nothing else to babble about..
See yah soon, insya-Allah~

Random thoughts

2009-12-14T21:03:00.002+08:00

I'm terribly annoyed right now.
It's my mid-sem break and I'm totally bored. I also had more time to think since I don't have much to do. I've been thinking about my friends, my goals, my family and almost everthing that has been on my mind lately.
First and foremost, I'm not actually a blogger person. I'm more of a write-in-a-diary type of person. My thoughts and my feelings poured out and written on a piece of paper. That's more of my style. Blogging is just something I do because other people are doing it too.

Ok, that wasn't part of what I wanted to write here initially but nevermind..Haha~
My sister has just finished her SPM early in December. She lans to do A LOT of things during her holz. Good for her ey.. She's gonna learn extra language, she wants to restart her swimming lesson, take her driver's license...etc etc (I don't need to list it all I think..) Anyway, when I step back and look at my sister, my brother, and my cousins, I suddenly realize how much I'm left behind in this world. Seriously.. The generations after me seem to be much more luckier than myself. They seem to have it all; they're intelligent, they have handphones at an age of 5 or so, in short, they can have anything they want without much trouble . (sigh)Now I understand why parents are always nagging us and reminding us that we're lucky to have what we have now. Haha~ So ironic.

Next topic. Haha~ One of my favourite phrase is...

"Friends for Life or Friends for Seasons?"

So, which one are you? What type of friend are you? Or what type of friends do you have? Let me tell you what I think. Personally, I think most of us are only friends for seasons. True? Think about it. Seriously, think about it. You have these friends that are fun to hang around with but when things get rough and tough, they just aren't there. They don't take the time to understand you and get to know you more. A very good friend would be able to tell if somethings wrong. If you're upset or angry or you have problems etc etc. No offense people. I don't mean any harm or hurt anybody in anyway. This is just my opinion. I might even be talking about myself. Haha~ Ok2, back to the point. Most of us have friends because we need them to survive. You can't always study alone or eat alone or walk alone. You'll just end up feeling too lonely. Some might say they don't mind, but I'm pretty sure deep deep deep deep deep down in their hearts, they'd want a little company. Maybe not all the time but you still need some company every now and then. But what lingers throuogh my mind sometimes is, whether the friends I have are there for me till the end or just a short period of time? Am I gonna be there for them till the end or just for now? I'll be frank and say that not all friends I've had so far, I keep in touch with all the time. Some friends from my school days haven't heard from me for months, and maybe years. It's not that I don't want to keep being friends, it's just that it's hard to stay friends with people you rarely see. Well, that's a different case. Being apart and such. But what about the ones I have right now? Some of them, I really enjoy hanging around with ('lepak'ing and 'ronggeng'ing). Haha~ But I'll be frank again and say that sometimes when things aren't so good for me, I feel like I don't have friends. Sometimes they just make me feel even worse. Or even more, they'll be the cause of my problems. Sometimes, when I need someone to talk to, they just arent' there. I know I'm not the kind that exposes or expresses and pours out my feelings to someone but there are times when I just need to let a little pressure out and yet, that person just isn't there. (phew) I think that's too much already. Haha~ Ok2, I'll stop this topic right here. Don't want to tap into that department anymore. Haha~ But just think about it. Ponder upon it. "Friends for life or friends for seasons?" Ask yourself which one are you and what type of friends are surrounding you. Not to start up a fight. I just want you to evaluate yourself. Maybe learn to be better. Prepare yourself.

Another topic is.... I think I'm too tired of typing right now. Haha~ I guess I'll just continue later. Whenever that may be.. Haha~ I'll be sure to continue all this crap soon. My mind is like an open ocean of continuous thoughts of everything from study problems to why I'm short. All craps and all. I'm sure there will be something to talk about then.

Holding it in

2009-11-15T21:56:00.004+08:00

"Patience is a virtue"

That is what they tell me. But is it really worth it? When you're angry, telling yourself to cool down and be patient doesn't really help much. For me, personally, I'd try to calm down and not lash out to whomever I'm upset with unlike when i was younger (chewah, cm dh tua sgt je..), but then, instead of 'forgive and forget', sometimes it just builds up in me. Which, I must say, isn't good. No, not at all. If I get annoyed with someone 'again and again and again" (...2PM hahaha...), it builds up inside me, and one day, I'll just burst like an erupting volcano. No kidding. Once it gets started, my mouth seems like it has a mind of its own...scary.. Beware people, it CAN be hurtful. Thank god I can still control my emotions from time to time.

So, the Q is...is patience REALLY a virtue?? Is it REALLY worth it? I mean, can people really be patient and forget about it or whatever? I know it's good to keep your composure and have self-control, but I'd be lying if I say that I never had the urge to just tell them off just so they know how I feel. Omo! Do i sound mean and cruel now? haha~~

Make a story.

2009-11-15T17:11:00.008+08:00

~THE THEIF~

~THE ITALIAN MOB~

~THE INNOCENT~

(sigh) what a day~

2009-11-14T19:41:00.003+08:00

First time of the semester that I'm staying back at campus for the weekend sucks already. Can you believe that the cafe is closed?!? From what I've heard, it'll be closed for 2 days..2 DAYS!!!! OMO!! I'd have to go all the way to the boy's cafe just to get food. Well, it isn't THAT far, but still, having to go all the way to the other side of campus just to get food is unbearable..
Plus, it has been raining a lot lately. At first, Y*** and I thought of getting dinner at JAYA 1 but since it was raining quite heavily, we had to reconsider. BOOHOO. Not that I hate the rain, I love the rain actually, one of my favourite weather, but combining the fact that we couldn't go out to eat and buy stuff and that the cafe is closed, made the day seem worse. Not to mention being in my room all alone when the weather is like this just makes me want to sleep throughout the whole day. I'm terribly bored. Bored out of my mind I tell you!
But frankly, I do have A LOT of homework to do actually. Haha~~ (gedik betul)
WHY am I not working on it I ask myself.. Well, the simplest answer is.....I'M LAZY. There, I've said it. I hate to admit it but it's true, just partially that is. Hehe~~
With not so many people around, I get less driven to do work. It's terrible, I know.. How can I ever live alone??

By the way, my dear sister will be taking her SPM this year. I really pray for the best for her. Please pray for her too. I want her to do MUCH MUCH MUCH better than me, seriously. I don't want to brag, but I believe she'll do great. She IS my brainy sister, you know.. But whatever the outcome is, I hope she knows that we are all supporting her.
DO YOUR BEST ADIK!!! Give it all you've got~~
Insya-Allah adik akan lulus dengan cemerlang ye...AMIN..

Note to self~

2009-11-13T22:15:00.004+08:00

"When life hands you lemons,

you make lemonades..."